I resonated with all the little threads in this one, individually, and collectively.
I’ve been in a big anonymous city my whole life. Sometimes I feel safest surrounded by people totally absorbed in their own revelry and unlikely to notice me feeling depressed and anxious in their midst, but perhaps more often, I feel a deep ache of loneliness that no amount of online validation can ever soothe.
And yet, I keep going back to that dry well, too socially insecure to imagine making friends with my neighbors or joining some kind of in-person meetup.
Sometimes I see advertisements for substacker meetups in my area. Or I’ll pass by a bulletin board that announces weekly meditation meet ups. I always feel a pull toward and a pull away in equal measure.
It sounds like you’ve already realized that we’re not intending to be rude in the city. We’re just so used to encountering strangers that our ability to Trust and to be Vulnerable are totally atrophied.
Wow, I didn’t mean to make this such a whiny comment, haha! Just resonating with what you’ve written, I suppose. Maybe it’s almost comical that in the same breath that I’m calling digital validation empty, I’ve cut open my heart for you a bit here. Maybe that means something…
I had another thought. My reluctance to find a guru is intimately tied to this urban alienation! Like you say, a narcissist can exploit the fragility of a person who has spent their whole life without feeling belonging (and we’ve all seen a Netflix cult doc or two!) How can I possibly imagine making myself open to a spiritual teacher and giving them that kind of authority over me when I don’t even feel safe striking up conversation with the gas station clerk?
Thank you for your honesty. Start with a simple meditation class and see where it takes you. Little steps. I’ve been at it for over 30 years. I started with a simple class to begin with. The old saw is true that teachers show up when you are ready in the most unexpected times and places. Trust your instincts.
I made the startling discovery recently that I’ve been meditating on and off for 15 years! I think I’m starting to get my practice in a consistent state, and I feel driven to go even deeper. I’m on day 26 in a row though, 15 min a day.
It’s just that “talking to people” thing. I’ll belong one day!
I resonated with all the little threads in this one, individually, and collectively.
I’ve been in a big anonymous city my whole life. Sometimes I feel safest surrounded by people totally absorbed in their own revelry and unlikely to notice me feeling depressed and anxious in their midst, but perhaps more often, I feel a deep ache of loneliness that no amount of online validation can ever soothe.
And yet, I keep going back to that dry well, too socially insecure to imagine making friends with my neighbors or joining some kind of in-person meetup.
Sometimes I see advertisements for substacker meetups in my area. Or I’ll pass by a bulletin board that announces weekly meditation meet ups. I always feel a pull toward and a pull away in equal measure.
It sounds like you’ve already realized that we’re not intending to be rude in the city. We’re just so used to encountering strangers that our ability to Trust and to be Vulnerable are totally atrophied.
Wow, I didn’t mean to make this such a whiny comment, haha! Just resonating with what you’ve written, I suppose. Maybe it’s almost comical that in the same breath that I’m calling digital validation empty, I’ve cut open my heart for you a bit here. Maybe that means something…
Anyway, have a wonderful week!
I had another thought. My reluctance to find a guru is intimately tied to this urban alienation! Like you say, a narcissist can exploit the fragility of a person who has spent their whole life without feeling belonging (and we’ve all seen a Netflix cult doc or two!) How can I possibly imagine making myself open to a spiritual teacher and giving them that kind of authority over me when I don’t even feel safe striking up conversation with the gas station clerk?
Thank you for your honesty. Start with a simple meditation class and see where it takes you. Little steps. I’ve been at it for over 30 years. I started with a simple class to begin with. The old saw is true that teachers show up when you are ready in the most unexpected times and places. Trust your instincts.
I made the startling discovery recently that I’ve been meditating on and off for 15 years! I think I’m starting to get my practice in a consistent state, and I feel driven to go even deeper. I’m on day 26 in a row though, 15 min a day.
It’s just that “talking to people” thing. I’ll belong one day!
And you never give your life to a guru. If one asks you to, run like hell in the other direction
🤣